Thursday, February 5, 2009

New York Sucks!

So, I realize that it's been awhile since I've posted... part of that is just laziness on my part, but I've also been out of town. 

I took a little trip down to the Greenville area of South Carolina. Wow is it beautiful down there... and the people are ridiculously friendly. So I spent a few days converting myself from a rude NY'er who was used to taking the subway or walking to get wherever to a nice, friendly person who had to drive everywhere.

I can't stress how nice it is down there. The transformation took me about 4 hours. You can't help but be nice to people down there. It's so nice, that I signed the papers on an apartment, and will be moving with my family there in a about 3 weeks. 

First of all... it's really cheap to live down there. Given the economy right now, that's a very good thing. Secondly, again, the nice-ness of everyone.

So anyway, I returned home to New York via Newark Airport.... still infused with that southern hospitality, I came off the plane saying goodnight to people, and whatever, just being a nice person, lest I allow NY to come back and devour what glimmer of a soul I had found down there.

Too late...

As I got off the plane, I was somewhat thirsty, so I stopped at a water fountain, and then stopped to tie my shoes, which I had loosened during the flight (trust me, this is all relevant). 

Those 2 simple actions took me no longer than 60-70 seconds combined. I then walk to the Airtrain (A monorail that circles the airport, and hooks up with parking lots and the rail line into NY). As I came into the terminal, I see that I just missed one by about 10 seconds... Crap. But, no matter, I'm happy, and there will always be another train. In 4 minutes according to the friendly glow of the status monitor. So I wait my 4 minutes and get on the next train in the 1st car. 

*Side Note: These trains are computer controlled and don't have human drivers. So when you get in the 1st car, you have a huge window that looks like the cockpit to a fighter jet...*

Now in this 1st car is a classic central casting version of "The Powerful Businessman". Black suit, red toned tie, $1000 winter overcoat, $500 briefcase, and a watch that looks like It should cost more than what I'm paying for my new car (that's a another story, coming soon).

He's on his cell phone, and since we're alone in the car, I can't help but hear him yapping about how so and so called him and was "Shaking in his boots" thinking that they were about to get laid off, and then this other guy said the same thing, and so on... he went through about 7 guys who were terrified of their future, and this douchebag is laughing about it because he knows that he's safe and secure. 

So, as I listen to this guy, and marvel at his douchebaggery, we pull into the Rail Link station. He gets off his phone, and is looking out the window. Since we're in the front car, I can see that there is  a train to NY already in the station, and that there is no way that I will make it in time. So I kind of laugh to myself (at which point he glances at me with a funny look on his face), and then I say out loud, "See? Stop to get a drink of water, and tie your damn shoes, and you miss an airtrain, which means I now missed this train to NY."

I look over at this guy, and he is suddenly pressed into the corner of the car, with his bag clutched to his chest, looking at me like I just told him that I wanted to repeatedly violate him anally and deposit my alien spawn into him.... if it weren't so sad, it'd be funny. Aw hell, screw it.. it was funny as hell!

He managed to croak out an "Excuse me?" In a tone that simultaneously conveyed fear that I was actually talking to him and contempt that I, a member of the "peasant" class, had dared try to engage him in conversation. It was only 2 words, but the fact that he got those 2 messages across was quite impressive.

So I smiled, and repeated myself, and he looked out the window to see the NY bound train leaving, and he just sort of grunted an acknowledgement. At that moment the car doors opened, and he bolted, and I mean Carl Lewis bolted out of there, and went flying down the steps to the train platform... where he was of course waiting for the train that would take him back to his million dollar home in the burbs of NJ.

Ahhh... welcome back to NY... that whole encounter just sucked about 80% of the good feelings I had at that point... and I still had NJ transit, Penn Station, and the NYC subway laying ahead of me... 

I can't wait to get out of here.