Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Tong Hua

Ok, I ran across this song by accident, and just loved it... I'm trying to find an insturmental version, because it sounds better that way, but it's nice to have the story behind the song. At least, you have to kind of write your own story since the whole thing is in Chinese... but the video is really well done, and tells the story all by itself...

Fantasy Update

So last week was a decent week, but also expected...

Puck You Up won against the deadbeat team with a 9-1 score, losing only on penalty minutes, because, apparently, my team is a bunch of pansies when it comes to hitting the other guy...

Beasts of the East took a bit of a hit, finishing 3-5-1... this is what I meant when I said it was a good team, but not a great team... the final numbers were insanely close, I just couldn't flip those last 2 scoring catagories....

Current Season Standings:

Puck You Up 65-45-10 (T-3rd Place) 18 Pts back {roughly 9 games}
Beasts of the East 40-39-2 (6th Place) 12 games back...

This week will be interesting, as Puck You Up is facing the team that it's tied with for 3rd place... I'll need a strong showing there to take sole possesion...

Beasts of the East are most likely facing another losing week, as I'm currently up against the #2 team.... but we'll see.

Word Of The Day

sacrilege \SAK-ruh-lij\, noun:

an intentional injury to anything held sacred; disrespectful treatment of something sacred

c 1300, from Old French sacrilege, from Latin sacrilegium and sacrilegus "one who steals sacred things," from sacer "sacred" + legere "take, pick up." Transferred sense of "profanation of anything held sacred" is attested from 1390.

You can see my own personal experience with sacrilege here --->

Monday, December 29, 2008

I love Bill Simmons!!!

Good Morning!

We're starting today off with a quote from a recent article by one of my favortie sports writers, Bill Simmons. This wasn't so much an article as it was a mailbag, but here it is:

"Without Mark Teixeira, the Angels look vulnerable offensively -- especially when you remember Vlad Guerrero now walks like Greg Oden doing an impersonation of Fred Sanford pretending he's Lieutenant Dan."

I mean, that's just classic... you can view the entire mailbag for more gems here.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Ahhh... the Drunk Dial...

I have a friend... this particular friend was very excited to be watching the UFC 92 PPV event at home with his bro and some friends last night. He knew and planned ahead of time his getting completely and utterly drunk. Which meant that I knew I had a drunk dial coming...

Sure enough, at 1:03am this morning, my phone rang out with the strident tones of Numa Numa (the Japanese Cover) that I set as his ringtone (That's a whole other story...)

When I answered, I was greeted with singing... I have no idea about what, because he had apparently succeeded in his goal of getting twisted. At some point he started singing/telling me that whatever he drank, it was brown and hairy, and came in tiny little toy glasses known as shots.

He then proceeced to forget who he was talking to, and settled on calling me Bill (My name is not Bill). After I let him run with that for a while, he then forgot what his own name was, having a debate (mostly with himself) whether his current name was his old name or new name (He's currently in the middle of legally changing his name). 

So basically, this went on for about 45 minutes, while I tried my best not to pee myself... and then the dirty talk started... it was about a 10 minute rant of boobs, boobies, and so on, including my personal favorite: "Mommy Funbags"

I found out later today that this particular dumb bastard had mixed shots of Hennessy with about 5 or 6 Budweisers, which to him is the greatest beer in the world (I'm working on that).

He called me about noon... feeling the pain, and also having absolutely no recollection of the call. The first thing he said to me today was: "Did I call you last night? I did? Oh noooo.... what did I say?"

Ya gotta love the drunk dial. :)

Fantasy Update....

So, it's been a somewhat slow week given that most teams had 2 days of for the xmas break, but I do have good news...

Hockey: Puck You Up is now assured of a 10-0 win, as the other team will not be able to meet the minimum # of games as required for his goalies... This should move me up in the standings somewhat, but we'll have to see what the other league results are...

Basketball: Right now it's a tight 4-5. Once again, it looks like this could go either way, but will end 5-4 for someone. I'm starting to sense a pattern here, and that is: while I have a good team, it's not a great team, and I'm pretty much going to be fighting for a playoff spot by season's end. The league I'm in is pretty smart, so all the good players are constantly being taken... basketball is not really my best sport, so those who follow it are going to have a huge advantage on me... I pretty much run my team from a statistical standpoint, following the numbers, and not the bigger picture. 

Welcome Back!

I have returned!

After a brief Holiday break, I'm back at the keyboard and ready to spread the goodness...

I'll have some Christmas goodies for you in a bit, but I thought I'd start things off easy with today's Word Of The Day!

ramble \RAM-buhl\, verb, noun:

1. to wander about
2. a walk for pleasure without predetermined destination
3. to talk or write about one thing and then another without useful connection

c 1443, unknown origin, perhaps frequentative of romen "to walk, go" of via romblen "to ramble." The vowel change was probably influenced by Middle Dutch rammelen, a derivative of rammen "used of the night wanderings of the amorous cat."

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas to All...

I thawt I taw a puddy tat...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

What is wrong with this country?!?!?

So I was doing a little last minute Xmas shopping, and stopped off in a big chain drugstore to pick something up.

Now, mind you, it's still Christmas Eve... it's not even Christmas yet. So can someone please explaing to me why the hell I was surrounded by big giant red heart shaped candy boxes?!?!

This is still 2008 people... at least have the decency to wait until after the New Year before moving on to the next holiday!!!!

God I hate this country.

Winter Wonderland

I just ran across this posting by my friend Steve over at "The Sneeze". While I do have his blog listed over there on the right, I felt this post deserved special mention...


narcissism \NAHR-suh-siz-em\, noun:

excessive love or admiration for oneself; in psychoanalysis, gratification manifested in admiration and love of oneself

Who, fabulous, incredible me? Naaaaahhhh..... :)

I warned you...

When I started this blog, I warned you all that I had a dark and twisted side...

I now bring you: Creepy Mouth Face!!!!

You can thank me later...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

What About Bob?

My 2 year son has a friend. I've never seen this friend, nor has my wife. You see, this friend, who my son has named "Bob" seems to be imaginary in nature (at least I hope so...).

We've asked our son about Bob, and at times Bob is a doggy, an adult, a child, a ball, or a pillow. Bob seems to take many shapes and forms throughout the day. However, Bob took on a new form today. Bob became food.

My son has a cooking fetish. He loves to cook. He's already graduated from little toy pots and pans to my old 6 and 14 inch saute pans... and hoo boy, he's got the wrist flick down and everything. So today he was cooking up a storm on the couch (his "kitchen", and don't dare try to sit there when he's cooking). I asked him what he was cooking, and he pointed at his toy food but didn't say anything. Then he scooped out his pan, put the contents into a dish, and put the dish into his toy microwave oven (that thing is great, 4 food settings, light, and working turntable). 

Once again,  I asked him what he was making... this time, he thought about it, pointed at the microwave, and told me to wait a moment. When the microwave dinged, he took out the dish, held it up for me to see, and proudly proclaimed: "BOB!!"

I don't know what Bob looks like, but he sure tastes good when cooked...

Fantasy Update

Hey all...

This'll be quick, mainly because it's covering Monday, and there's not much analysis to be done, but also because I'm facing 2 really bad teams...

Hockey: Puck You Up jumped out to an easy 7-1 lead, and seeing as how the deadbeat opponent left 4 guys on his bench, it's easy to see why... 10-0 here I come!

Basketball: The Beasts of the East so far have a strong 6-1 lead, but it's waaaay to early to tell... A special thank you to Chris Bosh for his 31 points!

Christmas has been Cancelled!!!

Word of the Day...

macrobiotic \mak-roh-bahy-OT-ik\, adjective:

of or having to do with macrobiotics, a dietary system derived from Zen Buddhism and purported to prolong life

Now this seemed less than useful today, so it actually made me go and look up the definition of macrobiotics...

Your bonus WOTD:

macrobiotics: a vegan diet of seeds, grains, and organically grown fruit and vegetables, said to prolong life and balance the body's systems

Monday, December 22, 2008

Fantasy World

Ok, so here's the final results of last weeks matchups:


Last Weeks Final: 4-5-1
Standings: 56-44-10 (6th Place)

As I thought, it was a tough back and forth battle all week... my opponent pulled it out at the last minute with a shutout win by one of his goalies (who I had dropped from my team earlier in the week), otherwise it would have been 4-4-2. Oh well, you can't win them all, and I've won more than I've lost, so yay me. 

This coming week I'm pitted against one of the deadbeat owners in the league, so I expect to be able to pull a strong 9-1 or 10-0 victory this week.


Last Weeks Final: 6-3-0
Standings: 37-34-1 (5th Place)

Last week I was up against one of the mid-range teams, and as a result of the victory, my team and his swapped places in the standings...

This week I have one of the weaker teams in the league, currently in 9th place. Considering his team consists of 2 rookies and 2 really old guys in Tim Duncan and Shaq, I'm not too worried, and should hopefully be able to pull a 7-2 or thereabouts...

This has been the daily Fantasy Update, and I'm still counting down the days to spring training....

Word of the Day...

Here it is, today's word:

laggard \LAG-erd\, adjective, noun:

1. a person or thing that moves too slowly or falls behind
2. falling behind; slow

Trust me, as cold as it is outside, I won't be moving slowly at all today...

Funny Ha Ha...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of woman's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins ......


So apparently the NY Giants have locked up a #1 seed and have home field advantage throughout the playoffs!

While their play the past couple of weeks has scared me, hopefully this OT comeback win will be just the boost they needed to get going to the end!

REPEAT baby! REPEAT!!!!!

Baby it's cold outside...

Good Morning all!

It's currently a brisk 16 degrees here in Brooklyn, which is bad enough, but we also have steady 25 mph winds out of the West, which is resulting in a windchill of 9 degrees!

Holy crap it's cold out! I walked the dog this morning, and he gave me a look of such disgust and loathing as we stepped out that I started laughing...

Now, I'm sure if someone from N. Dakota (or S. Dakota for that matter) reads this, the first thing that will go through their mind is "Pansy". That may well be the case, but all I know is that it's frickin' cold out, and I want no part of it!

I hope you're nice and warm where ever you might be!

Yes, I realize how late it is....

But I crashed out early tonight, got up, and then couldn't get back to sleep... *sigh*

Normally, I wouldn't do this, but this is one of my favorite online games of all time.... simple, and yet deceptively hard at the same time...

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

In the interests of full disclosure...

Hey! This blog was nominated for "Best Blog about Stuff" and "Freakiest Blogger"!!!

Ok, so I was the one who nominated it, and yes, so far, I am my only vote... 

But you know what? If you have the ability to vote for your own creation and don't, what does that say, eh?

But I am asking you to take a moment, follow the link to the right, and click to vote....

Thank you for your support (I miss Bartles and Jaymes).

Word of the day...

There's nothing wrong with learning a new word, or maybe just learning something new about a word we use on a regular basis...

So, I will attempt to post a new word of the day as posted by dictionary.com every day, in an attempt to better myself (there's just so little left to do), and I'm bringing you along for the ride...

Today's word:

kibbutz \ki-BOOTS\, noun:
an Israeli communal settlement, especially a farm co-operative

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Fantasy Update...

So we're here again...

Taking a look at last night's action, my hockey team put together a decent night, nothing spectacular, and they are now down 5-4. My only hope is to outscore my opponent in goals, as that is the only scoring catagory that can flip (I'm down 7-8), which will result in a 5-4 win for me. Pretty much, it's gonna end the way I predicted.

On the court, the B-ball team had a decent night as well, and they are currently holding on for a 6-3 lead. The scary thing is that there are about 3 catagories that can flip to the other team, but it would have to be a miracle for that to happen, so I think I'm ok.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the week's review as well as the coming week's previews and predictions.

Ooops, my bad....

So I was doing some poking around on my blog, when I noticed that there wasn't anyway to post a comment... I mean, the links were there, but they didn't do anything.

So I screwed around with my settings, and turned a couple of thing off that were on, and a couple of things on that were off, and *poof*! Comments are now enabled.

My apologies to anyone who had tried to leave a comment earlier, and please, I invite all who stumble across this page to leave a comment as well...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Fantasy Update...

Hey all, 

So here's today's update on my endeavours in the world of Fantasy Sports...

It was a slow night on the hockey front, with only a couple of players going, and not doing much in the process. I did however pick up a win by one of my goalies, only to have it offset by my other goalie giving up 5 goals... mah.

Current Matchup: Down 3-6

Basketball was a much different story. I had a full roster going, as did my opponent. Unfortunately, while his players showed up, mine were off examining the lint in their navels... I don't know what happened, but for Andrew Bynum to put up only 4 pts and 6 rebs in 28 mins is ridiculous. My guys did manage to get 3 double-doubles, but they weren't huge ones. 

The matchup has tightened signifigantly, with my 8-1 lead now down to 6-3. This week will be decided tonight, as once again we both have full rosters going.

So far, overall, I've had an amazingly injury free year in all sports (once I drank away the memories of losing Tom Brady in not 1 but 2 teams!), and I can only hope that holds up.

A friend of mine and I are going to be starting a Tri-Sport Keeper League (Base, Foot, and Basket balls), so if you're interested, drop me a line!

Old Man Winter is Cranky

As you all probably know by now, we here in the Northeast got hit by a pretty major winter storm, the first of the season...

I love the snow. I love when it's cold, and the snow is falling, and all the sounds around you are muted, and everything is white. 

Yet, I hate when it snows here in NYC. Why? Everytime it snows... for 2-3 hours you get the above conditions. Then, invariably, it turns to rain by the end of the storm, and you're left with this nasty grey slop and slushy streets that overwhelm and clog the storm drain system, so you have to jump or wade through muck that is 4 inches deep. 

This particular storm was worse than most. Not because of the amount we got, which was only about 3 inches, but as it turned to rain, temperatures also dropped into the low 20's overnight, so everything froze over hardcore... I'm glad I didn't have anywhere to drive last night.

So we're now in the thick of the frozen/slushy/grey slop mode, and there's more coming... I'll leave you with a picture out my back window during the "nice" part of the storm.

Friday, December 19, 2008

This ain't your Sesame Street anymore...

I have a 2 year old son... his current addicitons include cooking, tourturing the dog, tourturing his parents, and Elmo; not neccessarily in that order.

So we have a DVR on our cable, and we record episodes of Sesame Street for when he needs an emergency Elmo fix.... and I've noticed a couple of somewhat odd lines and segments that they run...

Take this one for example: 

Ernie. Ernie is the rockstar of Sesame Street, and while I'm not going to go into the whole Bert and Ernie thing, I will note that Ernie seems to be the free spirit, often appearing in various sketches in drag. True, they don't call the tranny Ernie's by his (her?) name, but come on, we all know it's Ernie. 

So as he is wont to do, Ernie had broken out into song about something or other, I don't really remember what, because I was floored by this particular line in the beggining of the song:

"I can put my hands in my pocket and pretend I'm a rocket!"

Damn, Ernie.... I mean, I can't really judge you, since I've done that many a time, but still.... you're on Sesame Street dude, and the last thing I need is for my son to be running around telling people there's a rocket in his pocket... although to be honest, I would probably encourage that just for the comedy...

Then there's Telly, the lovable, excitable, triangle loving jester of Sesame Street... he is a constant source of amusement to me for some reason... I just enjoy the antics of Telly. 

A little background on this one: 
On this particular day, he and another character (Baby Bear if you must know), had borrowed a magical book from the fairy (and I do mean fairy... wings, magic wand, the works) that flits around the hood. Now this particular book made noises in relation to whatever the subject of the book was doing... in this case "Action Dog". Now, when action dog was about to ride a horse, you would hear the sound of a horse, you know, making horse sounds....

Next up was the motorcycle... and this is where Telly got me... they turned the page, and heard the motorcycle sounds. Baby Bear said "wow, what's that???" to which Telly responded:

"Oh! I know! It's a herd of lactose intolerant Antelope who just ate a wheel of cheese!"

I shit you not, that is an actual quote from the show...

Wow Telly, just wow. Now I know why I love you... you randomly come up with insane shit like that. But it's sure not the Sesame Street I grew up with... 

My Fantasy World...

Hey folks, 

So, I am a fantasy sports fan... I do them all; baseball, football, basketball, hockey, soccer, golf, auto racing, salary caps, survival, tourney pick'ems.... you get the picture...

I consider mysef a decent player, although I do get overwhelmed at times and a team or two suffer as a result, which I try my hardest to avoid, because there's nothing I hate more than a manager who doesn't keep up with his team (unless I'm facing him that week, in which case I'll happily take the 10-0 blowout).

So every day, I'm going to post about the going-ons of my teams. I know you don't care, but deal. :)

Right now I have only 2 teams running, 1 basketball and 1 hockey. Guess which team goes with which sport?

Beasts of the East (6th place, 31-31-1)
Puck You Up (5th place, 52-39-9)

Yesterday was a slow b-ball day, with only 3 players seeing action, all in 1 game. However, powered along by the performance of Steve Blake and his double double, plus the fact that all 3 guys put up 15+ points, saw my team move ahead in the matchup this week 8-1. I expect that to change however... we'll see, I do have my full roster playing tonight, but my opponent and I are very evenly matched.

Hockey had a full slate running last night, and finally Pavel Datsyuk came through for me like I've been waiting for... 2G, 2A, and a +4. Unfortunately, that was offset somewhat by the performance of Marc Vlasic, who put up a lovely -4. Douchebag. 

Again, my opponent and I are very well matched in the standings, and the matchup is currently 3-4, with 3 catagories tied. I expect this week to end 5-4 for one of us. It could go either way.

So that's today's fantasy update... I do have football teams, but they were knocked out of the playoffs already, so it's been a bad year on that front. I already can't wait for spring training to start!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Taxes Suck!

Ok, I guess that didn't really need to be said...

However, here in the "great" state of NY where I reside, the Governor has released his version of next years tax increases. Among the gems:

An "iTunes" tax - Tax on digital music downloads
A "Sugared Drink" (aka Soda) Tax
He will now apply the state sales tax on all entertainment venues (movies, arenas, etc.)
Repeal the ban on taxing purchases of clothing items under $110...
New taxes on cable, phone, and internet services

It just goes on and on... if this keeps up, I'm going to have to start writing this blog from another state!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Future Dictator!

I thought this one one of the funniest things I've seen in a while... 


So here's what happened:

Last night my wife and I were making homemade chocolates to give out to people for the holidays 

(pause for the snarky snort that just issued from your head that says "Showoffs" when what you really meant was "Jeeze I wish I were that talented and thoughful")

We were using these plastic molds that gave form as well as life to our creations... it started getting late, and we had moved on to the most difficult ones of all, the large snowmen. These were the most difficult because we were trying something new, which was more than 1 color of chocolate on a piece... this one had 3 colors...

So, snowmen... you get the idea, big snowy-white dude, hat, buttons, and so on... this is what we ended up creating:

Crude perhaps, but we never claimed to know what the hell we were doing, this was an experiment all the way, which turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. 

So we did a couple of trays of these, and I got tired and bored of them, so I went to watch TV while the wifey kept going... then I hear: "Ooooo, I just got an idea..."

Don't misunderstand me, I love my wife, but when I hear those words come from her mouth, well, a chill goes down my spine... So I asked her what the idea was, and I got another chill inducing respons of "you'll see"...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am about to share with you the creation my wife came up with... I realize I have not tagged this blog with the adult label, but please, for the love of, I ask you to make sure there are no children in the room....

I present to you: The Al Jolsen of snowmen!!!!!

Trust me, I have no idea what she was thinking either.... but it's just not right.... not right at all...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Awesome Blog! Go!

I'm putting this out there... click on it of your own free will...

This is one of the political blogs I got hooked on during the recent election. Bob Cesca is funny as hell, and smart too... Yes, the blog tilts democratic, but when the Dems do something stupid, he doesn't automatically defend them to the death...

Love Thy Brother

Overheard on the street the other day:

A mother was walking with her two sons, one about 12, the other about 9-10. As they passed me, the Mother said: 

"Jason, get away from your brother."

"Why Mom?"

"Because your brother is an ass, and I don't want you to catch stupid."

Oh dear god, I love Brooklyn!

God I'm Hot!

Ok, I found this to be quite funny...

So I started reading a blog here called Fuck You, Penguin! I decided to become one of it's "followers", becuase quite honestly it's one of the funniest damn things I've ever read...

So I thought about it, and decided to add a pic to my profile... now, I enjoy being anonymous, especially out here on the web, so I chose a pic that I used once for one of my fantasy sports teams.
It's the photo that you can see now... anyway, I was messing around with the Blogger settings and clicked on the "View my profile" link... and discovered that I had already garnered the interest of 39 people. Now mind you, this was in the space of 15 minutes since I had posted that photo...

Seriously people?!? Does not the name Groganman give you the first clue? Or is it really just that you saw a hot chick and needed to get a closer look at her hard nipples? Are you really that hard up? I will be more than happy to provide you with the names of some really good free porn sites if you need... please, just let me know...

Inaugural Post

Ok, so here goes nothing....

The biggest question of all is why blog? There are plenty of blogs out there where people actually have things to say, messages to get across, photos to share, and so on...

I don't. Not really. But, I wanted a place where I could share some random (and I warn you now, usually dark and/or twisted) thoughts, maybe some links to some cool websites (at least I think they are, so bite me), and whatever else tickles my taint....

So, enjoy it, comment on it, call me a douchebag if you wish, but look out (virtual) world....

Here Comes Groganman!!!